Raising Children – Things Children Want From Their Parents
Raising children is tough but it can also be extremely rewarding.
- “I learn by watching you. Become a role model for me.”
Showing is better than telling in parenting. Be a good role model. Remember the last time your kid was pushing and pushing and finally, you yelled? If we don’t want our kids to lose it when they feel being pushed to their limits (chores, homework, etc.), we have to model how to regulate our emotions and handle things that make us mad calmly. It’s very difficult, but our kids are watching us. We need to be the person we want our kids to become.
- “Give me hugs and kisses. You can’t spoil me with those.”
They want our love, and we need to show them. Showing affections to children help create secure attachment and allow them to build an internal working model of loving relationships. a
Spend time doing things that you can enjoy together.
Talk with them, and LISTEN to them.
Cheer for their success.
Empathize with their struggles. - “My brain is still developing and so I’m slow in learning. But I do want to learn if you patiently and kindly teach me.”
Use kind and firm positive discipline.
Kids are not born to “push our buttons”. Most children do want to learn. But learning takes time. Remember how many times your child fell before they learned to walk without shaking?
Learning “human rules” is even more complex than learning “gravity rules”. It takes time to understand, absorb, incorporate and use that information.
- “Always be here for me no matter what.”
Be your child’s secure base for them to explore from and return to. Create secure attachment by being a warm and responsive parent.
Securely attached children are more resilient, show fewer behavioural problems, perform better in school, and enjoy better mental well-being. - “Talk with me. Don’t just talk at me.”
Have real conversations and listen carefully.
We often forget that communication is a two-way interaction. Talk with your child, discuss what’s on their mind and what’s important to them. Things that are not important to grownups can be very important to your child. - “Sometimes I just want to be heard without judgment or lecture.”
Like grownups, kids often want to vent. They want to be heard and be understood. Listen with an open mind and empathy.
Parents of teenagers often wonder why their kids don’t talk to them anymore. One reason could be that no one likes to be lectured all the time.
- “Accept who I am. Don’t constantly compare me to other kids.”
Every parent wants their child to be the best they can be. This natural desire may sometimes cause you to compare, and kids won’t like that. - “Let me play outside a lot.”
Playing has many benefits to a child’s development. Unstructured play outdoors is even better.
The outdoor environment is full of rich opportunities for development and learning. Playing outside usually allows children to have more autonomy and develop independence. - “Give me food that is nutritious and yummy.”
Children cannot buy or make their food. So they rely on us to provide what they need.
Your child may not have the same taste as you do. When they refuse certain food, it may be tempting to use the “Eat or Starve” method. - “Please trust me.”
Making mistakes is not always a bad thing. If we want our children to have good judgement, we need to let them practice making decisions. That means they will inevitably be independent at some points in their life, and submit to you. - “Your praise means so much to me.”
Encouraging words can have a powerful positive effect on kids. Praise sincerely and focus on their efforts, notabilities. When praises for kids are used right, they can make a big difference in a child’s self-esteem and intrinsic motivation.
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Adeyinka Meduoye
